Closed Caption Criticisms: Tool *Deep Throaty Laughs*

There is such a thing as Tool Time, and fortunately (mercifully) it has absolutely nothing (whatsoever) to do with Tim Allen.

The Alfred Kinsey-meets Aleister Crowley-meets King Crimson of rock (which is just a really elaborate way of pegging them with the "Led Zeppelin of their generation" cliche), Tool have a very unique, albeit singular, talent for affecting the more intense feelings within their listeners. Tool comes from a place of intensity, so it only makes sense that their output would be a little wild.

That's Newtonian physics, yo. Science - you can't argue with science: As the pressure around a Tool fan rises, their chances of listening to Tool rise as well. Work, family, friends, one's own constant miasma of shit-sorting - when the pressure pushes just the right buttons, when the temperature reaches just the right tick, it's Tool Time. Adam Jones, Justin Chancellor, Danny Carey, and Maynard James Keenan are accredited therapists, and they are here to help you--yes, you--deal with some tough shit.

I've made my own soundtrack to Tool Time, not unlike any other Tool Fool (not copyrighted; in fact, forget I just said that). This is my "best of Tool" list. Consider it a mega-fan's ultimate concert: two-and-a-half hours of Tool, the best of the best.

Welcome to Tool Time...

1. The Grudge (Lateralus)
2. Fory-Six & 2 (Ænima)
3. 4 ° (Undertow)
4. Lateralus  (Lateralus)
5. Eulogy (Ænima)
6. Lost Keys (Blame Hoffman)/Rosetta Stoned (10,000 Days)
7. The Pot (10,000 Days)
8. Vicarious (10,000 Days)
9. Bottom (Undertow)
10. Intermission (Ænima)
11. Hooker With A Penis (Ænima)
12. Ticks & Leeches (Lateralus)
13. Stinkfist (Ænima)
14. Prison Sex (Undertow)
15. Mantra/Schism (Lateralus)
16. Parabol/Parabola (Lateralus)
17. Pushit (Ænima)
18. Triad (Lateralus)
19. Third Eye (Ænima)
20. Die Eier Von Satan (Ænima)
21. Sober (Undertow)