"I'll leave you face down in Chinatown!"

Girls Gone Wild has not done justice to lesbian tendencies. Do real lesbians flutter tongues and grope one another with giddy glee? Heavens no. Gay men tear it up, but gay women get down. Like P-Funk. There are no cameras around when real lesbians have intimate moments. If one were to video-tape such an event, the end result would look something like the Cramps videoed performance at Napa State Mental Hospital.

The key to lesbian sex is to become the "top". This is much easier said than done, however. To become a top (just like becoming night manager or president of the United States) you have to earn it. How does one earn the privilege of being "on top"? Pure, unbridled intimidation that must--MUST--come close to psychosis. In order to establish oneself as the dominant partner in a lesbian relationship, one must show their dominance, often in a violent nature.

An example just to establish a better plain to stand on: two women unclothed one another and are in the first few moments of lesbian love-making. Neither woman is on top; neither woman is on the bottom. The two ladies are both lying on their sides facing one another; each has one hand around the neck of the other while they kiss deeply, and the other hand in the other's crotch, carefully building the respective clitoris into a frenzy of passion.
Just before the first wave of pre-orgasm pleasure wash over them, the woman with the shaved head and spider tattoo on her neck says to the smaller, blond-haired woman in her embrace, "You're gonna' be my bowling bowl, baby, and I'm gonna' roll your pussy in for a strike."
Before the smaller, blond-haired woman can say, 'What?', or, 'I don't think so,' the bald, spider tagged woman throws her leg over the new power bottom and grabs her crotch like a bowling bowl - middle and ring fingers securely inside the vagina, thumb knuckle deep in the ass-hole.
"Now I've got you, bitch," says Spider Woman (as we'll call her from now on). "I want you to ride this, because I'm gonna' make your pussy cum so hard."
Kim (as we'll call the smaller, blond-haired woman) has no choice now. She did nothing to resist Spider Woman's advances the last two weeks. From the first slap on the ass to this newest development, Kim is now inevitably the bitch and Spider Woman is the butch.

Not all cases are like Kim and Spider Woman (the previous consummation not withstanding, their names are more phonetic sense when arranged in this particular order), this much I know. But I also know, for a fact, that no lesbians ever party, alone or with each other, like to waste-of-daddy's-money girls who are video-taped for the Girls Gone Wild collections. That, as Richard Nixon would say, is bull-shit.