I am so hot that I've taken my shirt off and am drinking ice water. With just enough booze in me to give the world a delicate swoon, and just enough adrenaline (or whatever) in my blood to keep my brain from quieting down, I'm stuck here at 4:54 in the morning instead of in my bed with the woman I love. Oh, well. Whatever. Wherever you go, Iron Maiden's going to get you.
I'm not sure what to write about, but my mind won't let me sleep. I was tired when I went down about three hours and twenty minutes ago, but a series of events transpired and I haven't found that magic boat of fairy farts again. They occurred as follows:
1. I hear a noise that I conclude is the cats being meddlesome. I get up to investigate. Once I have deduced that whatever they have done cannot be detected at this moment, I retreat, defeated, back to bed.
2. I hear another noise less than two minutes after the last. Again, I deduce that the cats are, again, being meddlesome, so I rise, again, to investigate. After turning on many lights and even donning my glasses so I may see better, I discover no evidence of fowl play. This time, it would seem that the noise came from elsewhere--one of our overly-active neighbors, perhaps. Nonetheless, never one to be bested by a creature of lesser intelligence than myself, I put lengths of duct tape on the kitchen counter, face down so that the adhesive side is exposed. Cats hate to step on anything sticky (the cats have had a bad habit of jumping onto the kitchen counter as of late, a tendency that both Christy and I can agree is a "no-no"). After policing the area one more time, I go back to bed, vindicated but no less aggitated.
3. It comes to my attention that the blister on my thumb hurts a lot more than it did three minutes previous (approximately 2:15).
4. I become aware of the fact that I have not bathed in four days.
5. Again and again, I replay the first ten seconds of every Iron Maiden song I can think of to myself for what seems like an eternity.
6. I recognize that I am sweating and my anxiety is only increased. I am over-heating and need to exhaust myself before I die, a greasy, paranoid wreck.
7. I lay on top of the covers.
8. My thumb continues to hurt.
9. My anxiety gives birth to a seed of frustration which I must of swallowed, because in about eighty seconds I'm going to have to poop again for the third time since I became totally concious at 11:57 the previous afternoon.
10. I have to poop again for the third time since I became totally concious at 11:57 the previous afternoon.
11. While I'm sitting on the toilet, I casually glance at an article by Joel Stein, a columnist for Time magazine. In his article for this week, he is humoring the thought of who his new-born son's guardian would be if he and his wife were to suddenly pass away. I am more concerned with whether or not my ass-hole is bleeding (again) to appreciate the whole-hearted whimsy being dictated to me by Mr. Stein.
12. I consider taking a shower.
13. I ignore this consideration.
14. Finished with my bathroom duties (no pun intended), I decide that the best way to get rid of this wunderlust is to wear it down.
15. I remove my shirt, pour a tall cup of cold water for myself, and jump on the internets to dispell my burdensome thoughts into infinity.
Why am experiencing another of what I have come to call my "radiator moments"? My first semester of classes at Hamline University is ending this week. Last night I went out for a drink with two class-mates from my Master in Fine Arts Core Class to chat and become more acquainted. Louis and Brendan are two very smart, very hip guys whom I hope to grow more acquainted and share some more thoughts of geekery and hipster philosophy. But with school over with for a while, how will I keep myself busy? This is a worry that becomes almost an obsession at times. It effects my nervous system as well as my digestive system; the state of my guts often resembles the state of my mind. So when Frank Black/Black Francis/Charles Michael Kittridge Thompson V asks, "Where is my mind?" my answer would be: "In my gut, making its way, and in none-too-solid-a-state, out my ass."
I'm thinking these moments of nervosa will come and go with frequency. I have more than enough to occupy my time. The pieces of writing I have finished for the classes this semester could use a little more revising and then they are ready to be sent off to various journals, where they will no doubt be rejected again and again. No worries. That's the way the cookie crumbles, so to speak (although any subjugation of confections would no doubt send me back to the toilet, this time on my knees). I have to get myself into the collected conscious of the journal world. According to popular opinion (also known as the Bible), man declared his existence to the world with a roar. That is necessary for me, as well. I've been sitting on ideas and stories and poems for far too long. If I get rejection after rejection, oh well. Whatever. I'll deduce what needs fixing, wait three months, fix it, and send it right back. There are literally hundreds of publications out there - at least one will be in need of my particular brand of propaganda.
So, here I am, still over-heated but a little less worrisome. I think I will have that shower pretty soon. Otherwise, I'll do some more writing, or revising, or whatever, until I feel the time is right to get myself clean. I bet that's exactly what I need. Once I have a shower, I'll feel much better. I may even fall asleep. But, anyway, I'll put down a frequently listened to list of music and hope that today goes as well as yesterday:
Athlantis - Eyvind Kang ft. Mike Patton
Powerslave - Iron Maiden
Glitter & Doom, Live - Tom Waits
Lick My Decals Off, Baby - Captain Beefheart and the Magic Band
Ratitude - Weezer
Alone: The Home Recordings of Rivers Cuomo - River Cuomo
Crack the Skye - Mastodon
Them Crooked Vultures - Them Crooked Vultures
Fighting - Thin Lizzy
Here's Where the Strings Come In - Superchunk
God Hates Us All - Slayer
Top Priority - Rory Gallagher
Wrong - NomeansNo
The Obliterati- Mission of Burma
At the Mountains of Madness - John Zorn ft. Marc Ribot
Only By the Night - Kings of Leon
Niandra LaDes and Usually Just a T-Shirt - John Frusciante
Global A Go-Go - Joe Strummer and the Mescaleros
Goat - The Jesus Lizard
The Audacity of Hype - Jello Biafra & the Guantanamo School of Medicine
We Belong to the Staggering Evening - The Ike Reilly Assassination
Tonight - Franz Ferdinand
Embryonic - The Flaming Lips
The Man Who Sold the World - David Bowie
Consonant - Consonant
Sgt. Disco - The Circus Devils
Blakroc - Blackroc
Okay. I'm bored with this.
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