December 18, 2008

I haven't done this in a while. Going straight to the internets now. Or in the internets - kind of when you think about it.

I've been reading Foley Is Good: And the Real World Is Faker Than Wrestling by Mick Foley. When I tell people about this, they seem to magically shift airs into contempt and pity. A "pro wrestler" wrote a book? Right. And an actor became governor of a major state...sure, anything you say. I wonder why people still have this bull-shit prejudice against wrestling. It's just as much a storied performance as theater or film, there just happens to be a lot of physicality involved. And chairs. And ladders. And fire. And clowns.

When John Wayne punches a guy in that movie he was in, and the guy goes flying off his feet into the mud, no one thinks that's ridiculous. When Bruce Lee puts five grown men on the ground in less than three seconds, no one says, "You know it's fake, right?" Throw a little terminology in there, like 'DDT' or 'power-bomb' though, and shit turns into the circus. It's not fair! Ballerinas don't get harassed by the media when they perform Swan Lake. There is some serious sexual content in Swan Lake, let me tell you. Die Fledermaus is ripe with violence, but the PTC isn't kicking in the Strauss estate's door with complaints. And if you want to talk about athletics, there's no question--wrestlers are superb athletes. Not too many people can throw a 300 pound person a distance of more than six feet. Or twist around seven times in midair. Or move constantly, lift constantly, and breathe constantly for periods of five minutes or more. These guys and gals are on the same level with football players, gymnasts, and swimmers. Hell--it's fucking Cirque de Sole out there!

And just as there different styles of music, theater, and dance; there are different styles of wrestling. I can't list too many off the top of my head, but they all contribute differently to the story: lucha libre, shoot, hardcore, brawling, psychology, etc. A slam poet couldn't stand up to a battle rapper. An abstract painter would mop the floor with a kitchen designer. Steve Jones of the Sex Pistols would piss in his pants if he had to follow Yo-Yo Ma. Wrestling is a multi-faceted business. And it is a business, don't ever forget it. They are there to entertain, as well as fulfill their artistic whimsies. The lower the ratings get, the more brazen the programs become. A good rating does not have to come from a Hell In A Cell match, or a Bra and Panties match, however. Good story-telling can really pull an audience in. Just look at the 1997 angle (another name for story-line) between Shawn Michaels and Brett Hart. Good story-telling+good performance=good ratings. It's a legitimate business. Next.

What really makes wrestling such a silly, dumb, and dirty concept? I don't have an answer. And I honestly don't think anyone else does either. So from here on out, even if you go to a local show and it's the worst display of theater and athletics you've ever seen (or the worst display of humanity), don't knock wrestling. It is an art. Some are very good at it, and some are down-right awful. But they all try. Just as every actor tries (except most of them and pornstars), just as every viola player tries, and just as every long distance runner tries; wrestlers try too. Give them some credit.

They are telling stories, keeping alive a tradition that is as old as recorded history. The only difference between the folktales of Wendigo or Icarus is chairs. And ladders. And barbed-wire. And pyrotechnics. It's a spectacle. It's a movie come to life. It's Rome in its hay-day. Don't sweat wrestling just because it's outrageous, just enjoy the show. Who knows, you may even learn something.